A friend sent me the following "funny" in honor of the ever increasing jobless rate.


Job Descriptions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief". (Franz Kafka)

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher a is disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist, tells you the time, and then sends you a bill for it.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Cliche of the Day

Naked Truth. Why naked? Well, an old fable has it that Truth and Falsehood went for a swim together, leaving their clothes on shore. Falsehood came out of the water first and put on Truth's clothes. Truth, refusing to don the clothes of Falsehood, went naked.