I went to the dentist the other day. Please note the comments I made in my past blogs regarding dentists. I went to lunch with friends the day after I went to the dentist. I chipped a tooth. One of my molars. I am not going to say that I am not going to go back to the dentist because then I may end up having to go back to the dentist. I'm not even going to say that my tooth feels fine because then my tooth may decide not to feel fine. I'm not going to go out and wash my car because then it may rain. I'm not going to go out and spray weedkiller on the weeds because then it will definitely rain. Of course, if I want it to rain, I'll do both. I'm going to quickly run around and vacuum and dust the house and clean all the toilets because if I don't...someone may stop by for a visit. Oh right....I'm also going to run out and make sure the deer alerts are installed correctly on the front of my car because if I don't.....well I can't say because then it may happen anyway. And then I'm NOT going to throw away any of those old butter tubs I've been saving in the cupboard because in the year 2010, give or take a month or a year or a week or a few days,....I may need one of those scuppers along with the multitude of twist ties and rubberbands I have in my junk drawer.

Behold These Truths!

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they may be even more screwed up than you are.

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry he'll be a mile away and barefoot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Once you hit middle age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.