I love to eat

I'm not a picky eater. There aren't too many things that I don't like to eat. I've eaten lots of things...things that I still don't know what they were. I don't like chicken liver. I don't like kidneys. I had something called "Callos" one time. I was living in Bolivia at the time. I didn't like it. I ate it anyway because I'm not rude but I didn't like it. I was told...upon asking...that it was, roughly translated, stomach of the cow. OK. I was fine with that because I've eaten other parts of the cow but I really didn't like it. I had it again a couple of times (tastes can change)....this time in Mexico. They snuck the stuff into Menudo. I didn't know the first time and I figured that maybe I'd like it the second time if there were enough spices in it. Nope. There it was. Tripe. Yuck. I don't like tripe. I'm not too fond of Rocky Mountain Oysters either. Has nothing to do with what they are...just didn't like them. But I like escargot, caviar, squid in it's own ink, raw oysters, turtle, woodchuck, skunk, rabbit, snake,tongue, gizzards....well....you name it...I've probably eaten it. I usually only ask what something is when I don't like it. Kind of like when seeing someone with a really bad haircut, you should always ask them who their hair stylist is. You don't want to go there but you don't have to hurt someone's feelings either. I doubt I'll ever eat bugs or grubs or worms but...maybe once....just to make sure.

I like trying stuff. It's an adventure. I think it's silly to get all green around the gills just because you don't like the "idea" of what you're eating. People are different though. My daughters are picky eaters at least in comparison to me...so maybe they're just normal. One of my daughters is a chef....and she hates fish....all fish. I like fish.... but not salmon...unless it's smoked. I must say though that at least my son is willing to try different things. He liked the sushi. Last night, he had the escargot. And the chef didn't even disguise it. It was served...in the shell. I think he liked it. He ate it. He even liked the caviar that I made last summer.

My daughters tended to come to the dinner table with a cautious attitude when they were growing up. "What is it?" I tended to answer... "Food". "What kind of food?" they would ask. I tended to answer...."Good Food". Anyone for a good meal of barbequed "dinosaur cheeks" with a side of "green trees and snow trees"? Somehow it always sounded better that way then, barbequed pork chops with mixed broccoli and cauliflower.

My grandma (my mother's mom) always insisted that we were eating chicken or that we were eating roast beef when we'd eat at my grandparent's place but you could always tell that we weren't because of that look of suspicion on my father's face and by that humorous gleam in my mother's eye. She knew. I have to laugh because....my husband gets that same look of suspicion on his face when we eat at my mother's house...and I'm absolutely positive that she's never served him rabbit or turtle.

It's my 25th Wedding Anniversary today

Happy Anniversary to my husband and to myself! We're actually going to forget the diet tonight! Again! And again on Friday! Yes! Chocolate! Drool! Meat! Red Meat! Potatoes! All kinds of "bad for you" stuff. Alcohol! Champagne! MMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! So with three of us going out to dinner tonight...I just couldn't resist passing on this little "funny"

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggie.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggie.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggie.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggie.

Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggie, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?"

The third piggie says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

A while back my husband and I got a computer for his mother. We've been dragging her kicking and screaming (at the mouse) into the computer age ever since. She's been doing a lot better lately (knock on wood). We love getting emails from her even the blank ones she sends out by mistake. I love to see the puzzled and bewildered expressions on my husband's and my son's faces when they try to figure out (how the heck did she do that?....I didn't even know that you could do that) why her computer has stopped working....this time. It's even more interesting when they're trying to fix problems long distance over the phone. It reminds me so much of this "funny" that my sister sent me....though it's a bit dated.

Lou and Abbot Costello

Costello: Hey, Abbott!

Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.

Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. (this is the dated part)

Abbott: That's terrific, Lou (so's this)

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!

Abbott: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.

Abbott: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

Abbott: Well, I don't know-

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

Abbott: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

Abbott: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then.......

Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

Abbott: I know, you press the Start button....

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

Abbott: I did.

Costello: When?

Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?

Abbott: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop.

Abbott: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.

Abbott: Start

Costello: Start what?

Abbott: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?

Abbott: Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!

Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.

Abbott: To shut down the computer, press....

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"

Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

Abbott: But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

Abbott: Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I'm being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we started this conversation.

Abbott: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

Pills

I hate pills. I'm always forgetting to take them or forgetting that I already took them. I've tried those fancy little pill organizers but for some reason they are never big enough. And I don't want to take yet another pill so I don't forget things. I take some really big horse pills. I take two huge pills for my ageing joints. I take two pills so I don't kill my husband or son because I'm menopausal, I take one pill because I don't eat enough good food in a day to give me all the vitamins or minerals I'm supposed to have because I'm on a diet, I take two pills to make up for all that milk I don't drink, and I down two additional pills because my son brought home a cold and I don't want to get it (if I get the cold, I'm going to have to add 4 additional pills so I can get rid of the cold....and then I may kill my son despite any previous pills I mentioned), and we mustn't forget that little pill for allergies because it's spring. I get full just thinking about all those pills. Actually, I'm lucky. I know a lot of people who take even more pills then I take. I surprised we don't rattle. Come to think of it.....maybe we do.

I love getting "funnies". It makes writing blogs so much easier. Besides, I used to just forward these "funnies" to unsuspecting friends. Now they can read them in my blog or....they can just choose not to read my blog. I promised myself that I'd write in the blog every day. Ha! Now I'm doing what I used to do in Creative Writing when I had to keep a journal. I'm writing long narratives about not having anything to write about.

I will say that these "funnies" are making me feel better today. I'm jealous because my sister and her husband are going up to "the lake" this weekend. I'm also jealous that my parents are going to be heading up to "the lake" next weekend. I can't leave until June 5th because my son doesn't get out of school until June 4th. Oh well...I can start making a list of all the things I want to bring to "the lake" and then cross off all the stuff that won't fit into the car.

Here's today's "Funny"


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I went to the dentist the other day. Please note the comments I made in my past blogs regarding dentists. I went to lunch with friends the day after I went to the dentist. I chipped a tooth. One of my molars. I am not going to say that I am not going to go back to the dentist because then I may end up having to go back to the dentist. I'm not even going to say that my tooth feels fine because then my tooth may decide not to feel fine. I'm not going to go out and wash my car because then it may rain. I'm not going to go out and spray weedkiller on the weeds because then it will definitely rain. Of course, if I want it to rain, I'll do both. I'm going to quickly run around and vacuum and dust the house and clean all the toilets because if I don't...someone may stop by for a visit. Oh right....I'm also going to run out and make sure the deer alerts are installed correctly on the front of my car because if I don't.....well I can't say because then it may happen anyway. And then I'm NOT going to throw away any of those old butter tubs I've been saving in the cupboard because in the year 2010, give or take a month or a year or a week or a few days,....I may need one of those scuppers along with the multitude of twist ties and rubberbands I have in my junk drawer.

Behold These Truths!

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they may be even more screwed up than you are.

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry he'll be a mile away and barefoot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Once you hit middle age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

I had problems with my computer this morning. I don't know why. My internet explorer went nuts. It started generating reams of Website Not Found screens too fast for me to X them out. I couldn't even "legally" shut the stupid thing down. I had to turn off the computer, horror of horrors, manually, and then endure the "Computer was not shut down properly" screen while the computer went through that slow process of checking for errors. Sigh. Have you ever tried to argue with your computer when it chews you out for something you had to do as a last resort? "Yes, but I couldn't help it...I couldn't shut it down the correct way because you wouldn't let me." I also got that wonderful "Outlook Express wasn't shut down properly" sign too. Sigh. Oh well....it wasn't too bad. I'm back up and running again. But I remembered this "funny" and thought I'd pass it on.

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts Your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

(WELL! That certainly clears things up for ME.)

I have such an interesting life. I never finished the laundry yesterday so that's what I get to do today. I'm not complaining even though I'm not fond of laundry. I love it when things are dull. When things are dull and uninteresting, I can read and I can sleep and I can spend whole and complete hours with no worries. Nope. No complaints here. But not many people want to read about my exciting day of doing laundry so I'll provide you with one of the many "funnies" that should provide you with at least a little smile if not a laugh.

Interesting Thoughts

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

You read about all these Terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

I made it through "the dentist" who really is a nice guy. Nothing personal. I like him...really. He's a really good dentist. But....I'm so happy I don't have to go back until October. Yeah!!!! Now I just have to do the laundry. Boo!!!! That'll take the rest of the night. Oh well...gotta take the bad with the bad.

I'm going to the dentist this morning. Cavities. Shudder. I never used to have problems going to the dentist while I was growing up. I was spoiled by a wonderful dentist. He used to teach at the University of Minnesota. I miss him. Unfortunately, not all dentists are created equal. One bad dentist and dental technician can spoil the pot. I still have vivid memories and horrors from my visit with a former military dentist....and his technician. Now I have to be drugged just to get me into the door of one of those places. I found out that I break into a cold sweat just talking to a dentist on a social basis. Pitiful. If they want me to open my mouth, they also have to use nitrous. I wonder how many brain cells I've killed over the last few years. We discovered that my hysterical reaction to dentists....even with drugs and nitrous, tends to make novacaine ineffective....until hours after I get home. The dentist is always amazed that I remain awake and aware even with all the drugs. I should be unconcious. Hah! The minute I see those sharp instruments headed for my mouth I freeze and I start my panic attacks. I will say that the drugs tend to take the edge off...somewhat. What's a few lost brain cells. Wish me luck on my walk into hell today.

I've decided that we need to move.....the windows need cleaning. What can I say....I hate cleaning windows.


I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. One week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be....

Puhleeeeeeeze!

I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.

We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.


That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Q: How many women with PMS (or even parimenopause and menopause) does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What did you ask me?

20 April - "The Easter bunny is real. I will take you to see him in ONE HOUR!" Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.), new bunny PR man.

I couldn't resist the preceding quote from the M.S.S website.

As a matter of fact....I've added it to my favorites. Enjoy.

I got up really really really early this morning. There are some drawbacks to getting up early but the rewards are so great! No one else is up. Well...not many people. My family is still sleeping. I was able to get ready for church and I didn't have to bump into one family member or answer one question. My son peeked his head out of his room just once to tell me that he wasn't awake enough to find the shower in time to go to church with me. He's a teenager...I really didn't expect him to be awake enough to tell me that he wasn't awake enough. He's starting to mature. It came as a shock to me because it was only 4:45AM when he did this. I wonder if he'll remember later on today. He does tend to talk and walk in his sleep. He's a teenager.

When I drove to church today at 5 AM (Sunrise Service) there wasn't anyone on the road. Normal hectic and snarled traffic was totally absent. I don't know how all those people made it to church this morning for the Sunrise Service. They must have driven on a different street. It was beautiful. Cold for Arizona, but beautiful.

Yes, there are rewards for getting up early. I'm back home now and it's only 7 AM. No one is awake yet here. It's quiet. I can hear the birds. I have time to write this blog. And I'm going to make a pot of coffee and watch what I want to watch on TV. I may even sneak a piece of Easter candy...or two...or three because surely calories can't count when you get them this early. What can be better? Happy Easter Everyone!

It's after 8 PM here and I still don't know what to write in my blog. Ahhhh!!!!!! OK. It's Easter tomorrow. I haven't hardboiled any eggs. I didn't color any eggs. I did buy some Easter candy. That reminds me....I have to go throw some of what's left into a basket for my son. Hey....I didn't eat it all. I used to be so much better at this Easter thing. I've got to get up at 4 AM tomorrow. I'm playing my clarinet with the contemporary group. "Morning Has Broken" and about ten other songs. Thank Goodness my husband is going to take us out for Easter Brunch. I know I won't be awake enough to cook anything for anyone. I better go to bed. Happy Easter to you all. I loved this bit from a website I found about Marshmallow Peeps. You also may like this one. I never realized so many people were Peeps Fans.

It's 63° here this morning in Arizona. I'm loving it. But my thoughts have already turned to Wisconsin. My family has owned property in Wisconsin for as long as I remember. I can't remember a time when we didn't spend summer weekends at "the lake". I remember camping at "the lake" on a small rise of land overlooking the building site of the cabin that my father had designed. My father was an architect....actually...he still is an architect. He's retired now but.... he's still an architect. I remember the blocks piled to the side that were to be used for the foundation. My sister and brother and I would hit the blocks with branches and watch as bats would fly out. My mother didn't approve of this activity. I think she had visions of bats stuck in our hair and rabies shots. That first cabin didn't have a bathroom. We had an outhouse. Actually, I think the outhouse was put in long before the cabin was started. We used to call the outhouse "The Library". My father actually printed up a sign for the door of the outhouse. The Library. I don't remember how many summers went by before we finally added a bathroom onto the cabin. I do remember the dreaded trips out to the Library in the middle of the night armed only with a flashlight. I remember the shadows of spiders, real or imagined, the Daddy Longlegs, and the whine of mosquitoes. I remember the damp toilet paper and the smell.

Yes, I remember summers at "the lake". We did finally get an indoor bathroom. We always had running water. Cold running water which we heated on the stove for washing. I have fond memories of those summers at the lake. Fishing off the dock. Wearing a life vest because my mother was afraid that we'd fall off the dock and drown. She still doesn't swim which explains her fear. Running through the woods to visit with my grandparents who had the cabin (also designed by my father) farther down the shore, just a five minute run from our cabin. The forget-me-nots that my grandmother planted are still growing and blossoming by that cabin today. I remember running everywhere during those summers. Did I ever walk? My sister and brother and I used to play Tarzan in the woods. We dressed up in fern fronds and wove crowns for the fern king and queen. And then there were the nightly hunts for woodticks. Not everything is ideal. Let's get real. And we didn't have Lyme's disease....at least if it existed it wasn't named yet.

I'm looking forward to my summer again at "the lake". Things have changed over the years. My brother and his family now have that first cabin that I remember from my youth. The Library is still in existance though with indoor plumbing sees very little use. My sister and her family have the cabin where I spent time visiting and eating with our grandparents. My father designed and built a new cabin for my mother and himself at the top of the "hairpin turn" of the original 3/4 mile long driveway that was part of an old logging road that still wends its way through the property. And my husband and I have added another 1/2 mile driveway across the lake (still on the property) where we've built our own cabin though my mother calls it our "lake house". My cousin added a new cabin halfway between my brother's place and my sister's place last summer. So things have changed but..."the lake" remains. I'm really looking forward to spending the summer at "the lake" again this summer. I don't run much anymore but I do like to hike. Just a nice hike along the old logging road connects me back to that original driveway and visits with the past and the present.

Did you know....?

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language which end in"dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Los Angeles' full name is: "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds (and we thought WE had trouble with short term memory)..

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.


...Now you know everything......You could be a TEENAGER

WISH I KNEW HALF WHAT TEENAGERS THINK THEY KNOW!!!!!!!

I don't have a migraine today. I get them on a fairly regular basis but not today. My mother still gets migraines. They run in our family. I'm sorry to say that I passed that trait onto my daughters. I'm afraid that life just isn't fair when it comes to migraines. I decided long ago that I would never let my migraines interfer with my family or my life. Today I didn't feel like writing an original blog. With the firm belief that laughter is the best medicine, I thought I'd share this little funny.

The new pet

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







WAIT! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!




A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

A Bird in the Wreath is Worth Two in the Bush or Decorating for Spring


Just thought I'd let everyone know that I've got my front door wreath all decorated for the spring. You know how people go out and buy wreaths to put on their front doors? I went out and bought a manzanita wreath for my door a few years ago and occasionally change the bow or add a few flowers to make it appropriate for the seasons or holidays. Some people actually go out and buy these little birds and stick them to the wreath for decoration. I've never done that. I've never had to do that since I've put up this wreath. Again this year I've got a bird, a real live one. It's a cute little thing and it's made it's nest in my wreath....again. It's been living there for a few weeks now. Everytime we've opened the front door, it's flown off in a huff, causing our guests to duck and cover. We've been telling people that it's our attack bird. It came as quite a shock to us the first year she built her nest. But this is her third year now so we're starting to look at her, her nest, and her chicks as a sign of spring. She's become stubborn and often just cheaps a protest at us from her nest nestled in my wreath. So I guess my door wreath is already decorated for spring and the bird did all the decorating for me. At least if I'm going to have to have a bird in my wreath, it's authentic. Hope you're all getting ready for spring too.

I am NOT quite 50 years old (I'm working on it though) but I thought I'd share and try to learn from the wisdom of those who have reached that age.

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

I've tried very hard up this point to keep my blog carefree. I wanted my blog to say nothing that could possibly be construed as serious. I'm a firm believer that laughter really is the best medicine. But I woke up this morning and I watched the news. I've been watching the news a lot since September 11th, 2001. I have several friends who refuse to watch the news anymore because they get so depressed. I cannot and will not say too much about this. I liken the attitude to that of a large dog who hides its head, its body fully visible to everyone, and and yet this dog, because he cannot see anything, thinks that he's now invisible. Bad things still happen, even if no-one is watching. Someone once asked if a tree falling in the forest makes any noise if there is no-one there to listen. So, I watch the news. And today I was rewarded, because seven of our young servicemen who had been captured and held prisoner were found alive. I was rewarded last week when I saw the statue of Sadam pulled down in Baghdad. Yes, I do think a tree falling in the forest makes a lot of noise and I want to be listening.

I have several opinions about the Iraq conflict. No-one likes or wants war. When President Bush made the decision to go to war, I was thankful that I wasn't in the position to make that decision. But I guess, in a way, we all made that decision when we voted for the various public servants who advised and helped President Bush with his decision. You did vote, didn't you? As this war has unfolded, I've been amazed and horrified with all that I've seen and heard. I've watched the war protesters spout their slogans. I've heard the tales of horrors perpetrated by Sadam and his regime. After the fall of Baghdad, I watched people opine that the Iraqi people looting their streets, aren't capable of handling freedom. And then I remember the same was said of the freed slaves before, during and after the Civil War here in the United States, mainly by southern land and slave owners. Could the man I heard protesting in Iraq in front of the Palestine Hotel have been a Sadam Loyalist and a member of the Ba'ath party? I know that there are many Socialist groups supporting the protestors here in the United States. Interesting how history seems to repeat itself.

Yes, I definitely have several opinions about this Iraq conflict. Although, I don't want my country to become the police force for this imperfect world, I think there will be times where we are given no choice. As long as the conflict in the Middle-East had remained in the Middle-East, we were content to try diplomacy. But, the conflict became like an infected sore and spread its sickness to our shores where it no longer could be ignored. I am happy that the Iraqi's now have a chance for freedom. I am sad for all those who have taken freedom for granted. Freedom is a wonderful thing but with it comes many responsibilities. Freedom is a costly thing. Many of our young soldiers have paid the ultimate price for that freedom and not only in this current conflict. It will be interesting to see if the Iraqi people will come to appreciate freedom in all its joys and all its sorrows no matter what the cost.

I could not hide my head no matter what the temptation and ignore the current state of affairs here in the United States and in the world at large. I may not talk of these things ever again in my blog, but never think that I do not care or that I have no opinion of these matters. If a tree falls in the forest (if children are kidnapped in Sudan and sold into slavery) and there is no-one there to hear it (someone has chosen not to watch the news because they find the news so depressing) does the falling tree make any noise? I really pray that it does make a noise. I hope it makes a noise so loud that it shakes the world.

My husband and I are going to be celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary at the end of this month. The following "email funny" was sent to me by a friend. I want to state categorically that events in this "funny" in no way reflect the behaviors of my husband or myself. I prefer crocheting to knitting.


A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

WAIT FOR IT...

"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

One of my daughters works with children at a school in Florida. When I received this "email funny" from a friend, I thought of her and thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Kids are Great!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's art work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

....................................................................

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy Father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

....................................................................

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.

"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

......................................................................

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

......................................................................

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were
two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

..................................................................

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

..................................................................

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

------------------------------------------------------------------

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!

It's Too Hot

It's 89° here today in my little part of Arizona. Well....that's the temperature at the airport. I don't live at the airport but I'm pretty sure that the temperature must be around 89° today...or maybe it's hotter. I really don't care. It's not humid. The birds are singing. There's a light breeze off the lake and the smell of orange blossoms is wafting through the air. I grew up in Minnesota and it's really cold in Minnesota right now. I think there is still snow in Nebraska. I actually think 89° is pretty darn nice. My husband says it's too hot. He wants to close all the windows and turn on the air-conditioning. Actually, he's wanted to close the windows all winter long until this week because he said it was too cold (apparently 65° F is too cold) and he wanted to turn on the furnace. I actually had to buy him an electric blanket. In Arizona?! It wasn't easy to find one. Now, he's too hot. I can't win. I've been married to this man for 25 years now and I don't think I'll ever understand him when it comes to how he judges heat vs. cold. He grew up in Minnesota too and I'm pretty sure that his folks set the thermostat to 65° in the winter. I know that mine did. You just put on a sweater. No big deal. Maybe you throw another log on the fire. We move to Arizona and he starts shivering? Put a sweater on for gosh sakes! Now, it's 89° outside and he's too hot. If we were staying at a hotel, he'd set the thermostat on 60°. Ask my kids how many times we've had to freeze under his thermostatic control? I am telling you the truth here. He's reaching for the furnace controls when the temperature dips down to 65° but if it's too hot (like he claims it is today) he's reaching to set the air-conditioning at 60°. I'll never understand it. It's just too weird.

I've been married 25 years now though and even though I'll never understand, I never travel without a sweater....and a jacket during the height of the summer. Because I know that if it's hot outside, I'm going to freeze at night in that darn hotel room. I'd better dig out my long-johns tonight if he gets his way with that air-conditioner. Sigh. I wonder if we'll get snow...in the living room?

Shaving

Shaving is an interesting subject. I think I first started shaving at the age of 13. My legs, silly. I am fortunate in that I've never had to shave my face. I do pluck a few eyebrow hairs on occasion but those occasions have become fewer now that the hairs on my brow are turning grey and less visible. Funny...but the hairs on my legs are thinning out. That's nice. But I still have to shave. Men complain on a regular basis about shaving. I think this is really silly. I realize that they take their lives in their hands every time they take a straight razor...or even a safety razor...to their throats but really, look at the total area that they end up shaving each morning. You've never heard so many complaints in your life. Razor burn! Ahhhh!!!!! Nicks! You get them an electric razor to quiet the complaints and they complain about ingrown hairs. I roll my eyes, mentally. Vocally, I express such sympathy. Really! You poor things!

I've been shaving for more years then I care to mention. Believe me I've got a multitude of scars to prove it. Knees are tricky. Those boney areas around the ankle are treacherous. I won't mention the underarm area. Underarm deoderant and razor burn do not mix. Please! The total area I've had to shave is immense and the process has to be repeated at least two or three times a week. I know this isn't every day but I think the area (square footage) works out to be a bit more then a man's face. Now I could just stop shaving. I hear the some European women don't shave. Nope. Can't do it. I've seen the pictures. So what are the options out there. I bought an women's electric razor...actually several. For some reason, these never work. I think because a man designed them thinking that women don't need a heavy duty razor. Hah!!!! I've tried a lot of different brands and none of them work. They all leave a fine stubble which ends up looking like you never shaved at all. Maybe a man's electric razor? I asked my husband if I could try his out as an experiment. I thought it would lead to divorce. Needless to say, I still haven't tried out his Braun. Men do not like women using their razors. Why? Because they get dull. Why? Because we have a lot more little hairs to cut...that's why. But I don't think I've heard all that many complaints about shaving coming from women. I have heard a few complaints from men about women not shaving though....usually about some European women. Back to options. I've tried Nair. I don't care how they perfume that stuff. It's awful. The stench lingers in the air for days. Everyone knows if you use Nair, kind of like if you use Ben-Gay. So, in a mad moment, I decided to try an Epi-Lady. That's this handheld think that looks like a razor. It's not. This little machine is shown on TV as a miracle, painless, hair removing product. I don't know how much they paid those ladies in the commercials. Probably a similar amount to the ones that do the waxing commercials. It had to be lots because they all have the same smile pasted on their faces. Please! This machine tears your little hairs out by the roots. It hurts. Really bad. I think that they should try it out on some of those terrorists they want information from but then we'd be accused of torture. I returned the Epi-Lady and got my money back too. False advertising! Back to waxing. NO!! Have you ever had to take off a band-aid? The pain of waxing is worse. You take off a band-aid and the hairs are still there! Now multiply that pain about a 100 times because that's how many times you'll have to do it. I'm not into pain. I shudder to think about those bikini waxes I've heard offered at Day Spas. No way! So it's back to razors. You can buy really nice razors with refill cartridges but these are always so expensive and just when you get used to them...the manufacturers stop making the refills and you have to find a whole new razor to get used to. Disposible razors aren't too bad but don't buy the really cheap ones. Zip Zap, you're ripped to shreds! Really! But regardless, new razors will almost always nick you and to add insult to injury razor burn is a pretty sure thing. Long pants for at least one day or someone is sure to ask you what happened to your poor legs. After that, you may get one or two pretty good shaves before the razor is hopelessly dull. A hopelessly dull razor is a very dangerous thing. I've cut myself more often with a dull razor then a sharp one and yet a dull razor will not cut hair. Repeated swipes of a dull razor over a vulnerable knee in an attempt to cut that illusive hair just does not cut it (sorry for the pun) but it will cut your knee.

So, again what are my options. Sorry guys. There just aren't any. Men will still moan and complain about shaving. And women will quietly roll their eyes while vocally expressing their sympathy (Oh...you poor thing!) and continue to shave themselves with disposable razors which they buy by the sackful while they quietly teach their daughters how to shave. And we dream of a future life with an electric razor, that really works, designed by a woman for a woman....or maybe a future life in Europe where women don't have to shave.

Ducks on Deck

I live on a lake in Arizona during the winter. OK. It's a man-made lake. OK. It's more like a moat. Still, if it quacks like a duck..... We see lots of water birds on our lake. Herons, cranes, egrets, and ducks. Lots of ducks. My neighbors repeatedly complain that the ducks are swimming in their pools. I think some of my neighbors would secretly like to wring some duckies necks and serve duck soup for supper. One of my neighbors lamented that the ducks were purposely teasing her dog. Said dog jumped into the lake and tried its hardest to retrieve a duck. It missed but the neighbor wasn't too happy about having said dog jump into the lake because when a dog jumps into a lake, a dog gets wet and when a dog gets out of a lake, a dog shakes dirty water all over its owner and anyone and everything else standing in the vicinity. I can imagine that it isn't too easy to keep a retriever out of a lake. Instinct kicks in.

I have often listened with a sort of smug concern to my neighbors' stories about those awful ducks. I don't have a pool so I haven't had to deal with the mess swimming ducks must leave behind. And I'm pretty darn sure that my two chihuahuas will refrain from jumping into any body of water, given the reluctance they show when faced with bathes, rain, or snow. Water is for drinking. So, I was feeling pretty safe....until yesterday. I was sitting at my computer when I heard the loud sustained barking of my dogs out in our backyard. I could tell by the sound that something had triggered their "intruder alert" mechanism. They were really upset and mad. Someone had invaded what they felt was their territory. Not wanting to upset the neighbors, I ran to the door to let my dogs in and check out what all the noise was about. By now, I started hearing the loud indignant sound of quacking. Lots of quacking. What on earth? Sure enough. There were ducks on my deck, not even a foot from my door. There, on one side of what I refer to as my "doggy gate" were my dogs, hair standing errect on their backs, teeth bared, barking and snarling, and there on the other side of the "doggy gate" were four ducks....teasing and tossing insults at my dogs. Of all the nerve! That'll teach me to be so smug. It appears that I have now been added to the ranks of duck-pestered neighbors.

Anyone have a good recipe for Duck Soup? How about Peking Duck?

Mood Enhancer

I was talking to a friend the other day about our age and age-related problems. We were discussing our various symptoms and ailments when my friend recommended St. John's Wort to me as a possible natural help for symptoms related to menopause. I must admit that I rather like natural remedies. I've used them in the past and plan to continue using them with a modicum of caution in the future. I'd heard of St. John's Wort before as a natural anti-depressant. I told my friend that I wasn't really depressed and she told me that St. John's Wort would actually help stabilize my moods which I must admit have been swaying back and forth radically since I entered pre-menopause and menopause. I actually attribute this sway to a lack of sleep caused by hot flashes but I've been told that my hormones are probably going crazy right now. Doesn't seem fair to me. I'd finally gotten a grasp of the change puberty had made on my body (it only took me 35 years to figure out and control PMS) and now I have to figure out menopause (hopefully the world doesn't have to wait another 35 years for me to figure this one out).

Anyway, I went to one of those health stores and looked for St. John's Wort. By the way, do you know how many products are on the health store shelves that are supposed to help you adjust to menopause? It sure made me feel better knowing that there must be millions of women out there suffering from the same problems that I'm suffering from right now. Of course, the rest of you may be best advised to "duck and cover". I found the St. John's Wort on a shelf with all the other natural remedies which start with "S". Makes sense to me. I didn't even have to ask the cheery little teenie bopper without a care in the world who was manning the store to help me. I'm a label reader, so I went ahead and read the label. Right on the label, in bold letters, were the words. This product may enhance mood. Now I didn't really need to go to the dictionary to figure out what enhance means but I'll quote you the definition anyway. Enhance: To make greater, to heighten. OK?! Why in the world would I want to make any of my various moods greater or heighten them. If I'm angry, wouldn't that just heighten my anger and therefore endanger anyone near me? If I'm sad, wouldn't that just heighten my sadness and thereby make my sadness greater? What if I'm anxious? I don't really think I want to heighten my anxiety right now with a war going on. So, why in the world would I ever want to take St. John's Wort?

OK...one of the definitions of enhance is: to make better. Maybe I'm grasping at straws but...Oh well....I'm willing to try anything at this point. Must be the menopause. But I caution, Beware! Person with Enhanced Moods! Approach at your own risk!

Human Nature (Don't Read My Blog Today)

I've decided that basic human nature tells people to do just the opposite of what other people tell them to do. How many times have you seen someone touch a recently painted wall or chair which has a clearly written sign telling people not to touch it. Wet Paint. Touch, touch. Don't touch the wet cement. Touch, touch. How many people are cautioned by the waiter or waitress not to touch the plate because it's hot....and yet they either touch it anyway, immediately, or fight the urge to touch it. You tell a child not to get too close to the stove and...yup...they burn themselves. Don't climb that tree....and yup, they do and fall and break their arm. Human nature. So why in the world do we think public TV announcements telling kids and adults that smoking, drugs, drinking and driving, will kill you and or someone else, that human nature won't take over and make these kids and adults do just what the announcements tell them not to do? I mean it all seems so futile. I can't tell you how many times I advised my kids to do or not to do something. They seemed to be listening and nodding. But they just go ahead and do the opposite of what you want no matter what...so why try? I guess trying is human nature too. So, I'll keep on trying with my kids. Please learn from my mistakes. I already tried doing this or that and it hurts. Don't do it. And I suppose the public TV announcements should keep on trying to keep people from killing themselves and everyone else too. But I'm still of the opinion that human nature is really strange and until we can figure it out, people are just going to keep on touching that wet paint and walking in that wet cement.

Further observations from a clock watcher...or is that watch watcher.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I kept having to blindly grope for my watch so I could hold it up to my face to tell the time. I finally woke up a full half hour before the clock radio went off. My husband grumbled, turned over and went back to sleep. If I'd been wearing my watch, I would have bonked him with it. It's shock resistant. After I got dressed, I looked at my wrist to see how much time I had before I had to make coffee and then wake everyone else (my son and husband) up for breakfast before racing off to take my son to his trumpet and guitar lessons. I wasn't wearing my watch. I discovered this neat way of attaching my watch to my belt so I could still consult it and yet allow the dent in my wrist to fade. I've noticed a somewhat improvement in the appearance of the watch dent on my wrist.

After breakfast I looked at my wrist to see how much time I had before driving my son to his lessons. No watch. I looked at the time on the microwave. Plenty of time to write my blog. Right? Wrong...the clock on my computer was off. I managed to get my son to his lessons but we were late. I mean really late. Two minutes late. I told you that if I'm 5 minutes early, I concider myself late. Primal scream!!!! I add it up and I was 7 minutes late! I consulted my bare wrist, muttered something unprintable under my breath and then consulted my watch which still remained attached to my belt, and figured that I would have exactly one hour to pick up the cleaning at the dry-cleaners and do the grocery shopping. Half-way through the grocery shopping, I checked my bare wrist again...do you see where this is going? Sigh. I can do this. I check my belt watch. I brought the groceries home and put them and the dry-cleaned clothes away. I consulted my bare wrist...sigh...ok...check the watch on my belt...and I had just enough time to dash off and pick up my son from his lessons. Yeah! Success!! I was only 3 minutes late which to the rest of you should translate to 2 minutes early. Fortunately, this was just fine because my son's lesson lasted longer then it was supposed to because...I guess the teacher doesn't wear a watch. So, I got to sit in the car reciting mantras to calm my spirit for 20 minutes. This is just fine with me. It allowed me to center myself.

I quit smoking. Why am I having such an awful time quitting watch watching? I can do this. Thankfully, there is a clock on the dashboard of my car and now I've fixed the clock on my computer. And wearing my watch on my belt really doesn't look too bad. Now if only the dent and white band on my wrist would fade. Perhaps it will fade along with my compulsion to keep watching my watch.

I took off my watch yesterday

Yesterday, when I took off my watch, I discovered that I had a wide white ring that had formed over the years. Yes, sad to admit, but I actually mean years. Not only did I have this wide white ring, but this ring was indented. I notice that I see a similar but smaller indent on the ring finger of my left hand when I take off my wedding ring to have it cleaned. I was shocked. Do I really wear my watch as much as I wear my wedding ring? The horrible, but true answer is obvious. I rarely if ever take off my watch. I do have some excuse for this. I grew up in a wonderful family who believed that if you were late for something, you were telling people that you and your time were far more important then the other person's time. So, over the years, I have developed the habit of thinking and feeling that I am late if I arrive "anywhere" five minutes early. This is by no means a bad thing....at least I don't think so....though I'm sure my children and husband would tell you a different story. So, early in my life, I started wearing a watch. Lots of people do wear watches. I wear my watch to bed. I wear my watch in the bathtub. I wear my watch on vacation. I always wear my watch. My husband once asked me why I wore my watch to bed. This was very early in our marriage. My answer to him was that I wanted to know what time it was, of course. What?! I wear glasses or contacts. I'm am legally blind without glasses or contacts. When I wake up in the middle of the night....in the dark...I can't see well enough to read the bedside clock. So....I have to wear my watch so I can press it's face close enough to mine so I can see how many hours I've already slept and how soon I have to wake up so I won't be startled by the clock radio. Yes. I am one of those individuals who hates being startled awake. I wake up exactly five minutes before the radio goes off. I know this because...I check my watch. See? It makes sense to me. I wear my watch in the bathtub because I don't want to spend too much time in there and draw criticism from other members of my family. When I was growing up, we only had the one bathtub and we had to share. Believe me, you received more then a little criticism from soaking in the tub for any length of time. So...I wear my watch....water-resistant up to 100 meters. OK. So I should take off my watch during vacations. I admit it. But then I spend the entire vacation looking at my wrist. Someone always is asking me what time it is and someone is always telling me to meet them somewhere at a specific time. On the long drive to and from my vacations, I want to know how long it takes me to get from point A to point B. I want to know if I have the right to be hungry for lunch because my watch tells me that it's 12 PM or if it's only been an hour since breakfast. I want to know if I have to hurry in the morning because checkout at the hotel is 11 AM or they stop serving the free breakfast at 9 AM. So, I wear my watch. I never take it off. I now have what looks like a permanent ring around my wrist. This is sad. This is really sad. I took off my watch yesterday...and I still haven't put it back on. It looks like I'm wearing a watch...but I'm not. Maybe the ring will fade.

I was going to try blogging everyday but today I'm having what I call a menopausal moment. So I've gone through the strange and funny e-mails that people send me and thought I'd share this one.

Some Things to Ponder While You Have Time On Your Hands.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, " I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

I am an animal lover. I love all animals. I haven't met an animal yet that I don't like. I suppose I should qualify that. There are a few animals who belong to the human genus with whom I have a bit of antipathy. I try really hard to overcome these feelings but I'm not perfect, a fact that is pointed out to me on a regular basis by various and sundry members of my inner and outer circle of friends and family. But enough of that. My main premise is that I'm an animal lover. My husband is aware of this fact because we have been married for what is coming on to be our 25th year. I have two dogs who I bought not for their lineage but because I couldn't leave them in the situation where I found them. I strongly suspect that neither of my dogs' lineage paperwork would withstand close scrutiny. As I said, my husband is quite familiar with the workings of my mind. At least I thought this was true but I've noticed that sometimes he "forgets" how my mind works.
One of the few times he "forgot" was when we still lived in Oregon. One of our neighbors had a cat named Lucy. Although our neighbors owned Lucy, this cat wandered the neighborhood and spent a great deal of time sunning herself in one of the flowerpots by our front door. I want to point out that none of my family encouraged her. People in the neighborhood refered to Lucy as "the neighborhood cat" because as she wandered the neighborhood, she would meet and greet everyone she saw. One day, Lucy's owners sold their home, packed up all their belongings, and their cat Lucy, and moved away from the neighborhood. I was beginning to feel that it might be safe to again plant flowers in the flowerpots by my front door, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but Lucy....in my flowerpot. Oh my! After some doing, I discovered my former neighbors' new phone number and gave them a call to let them know that their cat was in my flowerpot. That afternoon, with many thanks, our former neighbors retrieved their cat....for the first time. The second time they came to retrieve Lucy, we were thanked again and an apology was given. I wasn't too sure that they were as thankful the third time they came to get Lucy. The fourth time they came to pick up their errant cat, they asked us if we'd like to own a cat. I'll be honest and tell you that we'd never owned a cat before so this was a big decision to make. All three of my children were hovering in the doorway as was my husband when this question was posed to us. Now I'll remind you that I told you that on occasion my husband "forgets" how my mind works and this case he "forgot" about my fanatical love for animals. He looked me right in the eye and said, "It's up to you honey." That is a word for word quote of what he said. Honest. On that day we became the proud new owners of Lucy (and I will always be grateful to our former neighbors for their generosity and understanding). Later that night, my husband moaned and complained that when he said, "It's up to you honey." he honestly expected, nay, wanted me to say, "No, of course we don't want a cat. I hate cats. We have two dogs. Why would we want a cat?" Gasp! How could he possibly have forgotten my love of animals? If it was up to me, we'd live on a farm and we'd own a multitude of animals. At that point, I patiently pointed out to him that if someone had come to the door with a horse, a milk cow, a goat, a wounded coyote, a dirty pigeon, or a rat, and asked me if I would like to own one of those, and he turned to me and said "It's up to you honey." We would be the proud new owners of a horse, a milk cow, a goat, a wounded coyote, a dirty pigeon, or a rat. He became much more accepting of our new cat. And I don't think he's ever said "It's up to you honey" again....unless he really means it. And I will tell you right now that we don't as yet own a horse, a milk cow, a goat, a wounded coyote, a dirty pigeon, or a rat. I could continue with this blog by telling you that my children have inherited my love for animals. It must be genetic. But this blog is already too long and the stories of unwanted litters of abandoned kittens in my daughter's closet will have to wait for a future blog.

"Life is just a chair of bowlies". Right now I don't think I can really improve on that statement. This is mainly because I have three children. Well....they aren't really children anymore but as a parent, the tendency is to continue to refer to your offspring as children no matter how old they are. For instance, my baby (It's a Boy) is 16 years old. Now that's a big baby boy. I have two daughters who have "left the nest". This implies that I, as the parental unit, would no longer have to worry about said daughters. Can you hear me laughing hysterically? Why didn't anyone warn me about this before I decided to have children...much less daughters? This isn't to say that said daughters don't constantly tell me that I shouldn't worry. That everything is/will be just fine. Oh right! That just sends warning sirens blaring like the air-raid sirens in Baghdad and Kuwait and I don't get to hear the "all clear" sirens. I didn't write the following article but I thought I'd share it with you because it speaks so clearly to me about my life right now.

The Cutoff Period

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life,"and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage, " My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's wan smile and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried." I smiled a wan smile. The torch has been passed.

I haven't arrived at the point in my life yet where "The torch has been passed." My mother and my mother-in-law (God bless them) are still smiling wanly. I've just joined them on more occasions then I care to think about.
But I said nothing about my baby. You ask me, "What about him?". I will be honest with you. After my experience with my daughters, my poor baby boy is watched with a wary eye. When is this bomb going to explode? I'll keep you updated but so far, thankfully, our rollercoaster ride with our son has been fairly peaceful. However, we may just be chugging up that long, steep hill before the precipitous drop. Not being psychic (though both my daughters claim I am), I have no way of knowing. I do know and state categorically that I don't like rollercoaster rides no matter how tame they are. And after my experience with my daughters (who I will always love dearly)....you couldn't pay me to go on one.

It seems appropriate that today, April 1, also know as April Fool's Day, should be the birthday of my blog. You ask why? My answer is, that at my age (a subject that I won't get into at this time) I must be a fool to imagine that I can get over my fear of the technical and actually create what my daughter (and the providers of this service) call a "blog". I am not at all technically inclined. I am actually, more appropriatedly referred to as technically "declined". I will be honest. I'm afraid of my sewing machine. I handwrite my Christmas letter every year before entering it into the computer. I use the computer at that point as a highly evolved typewriter. I live in fear of creating anything on the computer that the computer could "eat". I also print out all my emails for fear that my words will forever be lost in cyberspace. This paranoid activity reflects my age where "whiteout" was a wonderful invention...one giant step for mankind. So you see, this is truly the correct and appropriate day for me to attempt "blogging". Did I just create a new vocabulary word? The verb "blog". The verb infinitive "to blog". I blog, you blog, we blog, you (plural) blog. We are blogging. Oh well, you now see how my mind seems to function. We'll see if it functions better tomorrow. I have now "blogged". OK. So I had to have my daughter's extremely patient help in all this for which I'm mentally kissing her feet. I dumped it into her lap after I couldn't get the "expletive deleted" thing to post and publish for me and she helped me post a picture, add contact information, post favorite URL's etc. IF all goes well, you have now read my blog and I will have blogged.