20 Excuses for Why I Didn't Write in My Blog

1. I caught a whale and it took a few days to clean it.

2. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, re-living Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly, resetting the clocks in the house, while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Early Bird. Accordingly, I was late in writing my blog, or early.

3. The mosquitoes drained so much blood from my hapless body that I had to drive into town to get a transfusion.

4. I couldn't write in my blog because my car's suspension broke and I had to spend one more day in Minneapolis while it was being fixed, shopping at the Mall of America

5. I had a rare case of 48-hour leprosy and I was afraid that my fingers would all fall off if I did any typing.

6. I was stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket.

7. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Cornhuskers, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with MCI, but thank you for calling. Ooh! Shiny object!

8. I was preparing myself for Wednesday Night Wing Dings.

9. I just found out that I might have been switched at birth. Legally, I couldn't write in this blog because my blog records may have contained false information.

10. The psychiatrist said we had an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

11. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. Now I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

12. The dog ate my computer keyboard and I had to drive into Minneapolis to buy a new one at The Mall of America.

13. I'd prefer to remain an enigma.

14. I couldn't write in my blog because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and writing in my blog is disturbing the balance of nature.

15. I couldn't write in my blog because I was converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

16. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

17. I refuse to write in my blog until there is a writer's tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

18. I was being chased through the woods by a black bear.

19. My stigmata's acting up.


20. If it's all the same to you I won't be writing in my blog today. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.


One or more of the above reasons for why I didn't write in my blog for the last two days is true. One or more of the above could become true in the coming months or years.

Cliche of the Day

Put a Good Face On It. Make the best of a bad situation. It is what one does when one keeps a stiff upper lip or smiles in a period of sadness or adversity. People have been doing it for centuries, long enough for Higden's Polychronicon to refer in 1387 to someone who "made good face."