If you have an Advent Calendar, today is the day that you should open up that third little door. You've got 22 more little doors to open. No cheating! You can only open door number 3. For all the rest of you, you've got 22 more days before Christmas.

Bill Engvall is one of my favorite comedians. I just learned that he's come out with another CD which I'll have to run out and buy. Not today though. I actually found myself saying something today that made me think about his Here's Your Sign routine. I actually found myself saying, "I hate headaches." What an incredibly stupid thing to say! This is in the same line as saying, "I hate being sick." Unless you're a total masochist, of course you hate headaches, being sick, or any other form of pain and suffering! Dumb! I blame the stupidity today on the headache I've had for the second day running. Not a migraine. I get those too. This is a sinus headache. Not as bad but definitely annoying because you know that you have a cold lurking in the background just waiting to beat you up at the most inopportune time. Of course that's a kind of stupid thing to say too since I really don't think there is an opportune time to get sick. Oh well. At least I can share a "funny" that a friend sent me this morning.

New Medications for Women Only

DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.

FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN

Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.

JACKASSPIRIN

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories withtotal strangers.

SEXCEDRIN

More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

NAGAMENT

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.


Today's Little Bit of Trivia

A decibel is a measure of the relative loudness or intensity of sound. Right now I can only tolerate a decibel level of about 10. That's the equivalent to a light whisper. Unfortunately, my husband is currently vacuuming the house (I am not complaining because anytime that I can get my husband to help out is a treasured opportunity), but the decibel level is closer to 80 right now. That's the equivalent to rock music or the sound of a subway. I have a noisy vacuum cleaner.