Word of the Day

Nocabulary - A collection of funny, made-up words.

HTP and I are home from Vegas. We had a wonderful time. The luck of the Irish shined down on us. I wore my green. I ate corned beef and cabbage. I listened to a live Irish band and even the mournful cry of the bagpipes. Wonderful!

What can I say about Vegas? I love to people watch. Talking to those people who love to talk is a wonderful way to enjoy Vegas. You get such a mixture. I've observed a multitude of types of gamblers.

There are the gamblers who spend most of their time in front of the TV's in the sport book rooms. I don't know a thing about sports so I avoid that room. I may watch a football game on occasion if a favored team might be playing but it's a rare event. I'm just not into sports.

Then there are the gamblers who spend most of their time at the blackjack tables. I've played blackjack but it's too predictable for me and it holds little interest for me. There's always the serious blackjack players who quietly place their bets and keep try vainly to keep their mouths shut when a "hasn't a clue" player decides to hit when the dealer has a six showing. These novices have a wonderful time losing their money at the blackjack table while never understanding the rolled eyes and groans of the surrounding players. The serious blackjack players avoid the novices by moving to the high limit tables. I tend to break even at the blackjack tables. I know how to play but I refuse to strain my brain cells by counting cards.

I've observed the partying that surrounds the craps tables. Too loud for me. Mostly these seem to be young people who have been drinking too much. There is a lot of screaming and yelling. And I must say they do seem to be having a great deal of fun. I haven't a clue how to play and my rule is NEVER PLAY A GAME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY. You might as well hand your money to the nearest casino owner the second you walk in if you break the above rule. That way you can go home and save the tiny amount of time it would have taken for you to lose.

Then there are the slot players. This is where I spend most of my time watching people. I've watched the penny players, the nickel players, the quarter players, the dollar players, and even the five dollar players. There are even $10 slots. I'm sorry. Just thinking about playing with that kind of money makes me blink. Too deep for me. There are reel slots where you play everywhere from one credit to three credits. Video slots where you play one credit to 300 credits a pop. Video poker where you play anywhere from one credit to five credits per hand. Multiply that for triple play poker where you play three hands simultaneously. Even more for five play, ten play, fifty play, and one hundred play.

You've got the novice slot players. These people come in and haven't a clue about how to play. They don't care. They have a great deal of fun watching the reels spin. You know that these people are novices from the squeals of excitement when BAR BAR BAR comes up or when they receive their first flush while playing video poker...and I'm not talking about a Royal Flush. I've often observed how these people play video poker and it truly is a minor miracle how often I actually see them win. And they do win much to the disgust and bewilderment of those who know how to play.

We've got the elderly players. I often see elderly married couples play on the same machine. This is a mixed experience. Some are very much in love and they share the experience of playing. First one will play until a hand is lost and then the other will play. It's wonderful to watch. I'm not so fond of watching the wife with the control freak know-it-all husband. This man never plays video poker however he's played poker with his buddies so he knows EVERYTHING. (not) Anyway, poor little wifey spends a hapless time being coached as to what she should hold and what she should toss with the husband in constant critical mode. I usually try to escape so I don't have to witness these displays. Then there is the addict man or woman who has parked themselves in front of a machine. This is THEIR machine. They've already put hundreds of dollars (according to them) into the machine and THEY ARE NOT LEAVING no matter what their spouse demands. And once I saw a wife played on a machine, on and off, for three days and nights. She brought her poor husband who was obviously suffering from old-timers disease. She plunked him down on the seat beside her while she played. He sat quietly and watched. On occasion she praised him for being such a good boy. It made my stomach turn to watch.

There are some very serious players who I see everytime I visit the casino. They sit all by themselves. They do not want to talk. Their eyes are glued to their machine. Their hands flash faster than you can actually imagine anyone can move. Sometimes they play two machines or even three at the same time. Never play the minimum and dare to win on a machine in their vicinity. They have been known to get up to yell at a person who would have won a jackpot if they'd just played with maximum coin. I've seen it. I have to admit that I have been known to comment to my Mom and my Dad on occasion when they would have hit the jackpot if they'd had more than a single coin in at the time. Mentally, I'm screaming in pain. But...I do understand.

My folks fall into the category of locals who like to play but they aren't all that serious. They live in Vegas. If you live in Vegas, you can't spend too much time in the casinos. I had one lady tell me that she loves to play and if she played with the maximum that is required for a jackpot, she'd run out of money and she'd never get to play...or not for long. She knew how to play and she was happy with her royal flush...even if it didn't pay her the jackpot. My folks are just as happy. For the most part, people like my folks play for fun and to rack up comps for free food. They come in for the free money that the casinos give them to lure them into the casinos. They spend the free money and head on home. They come for the free presents that the casinos give them to lure them into the casinos. They pick up their presents and head on home. Food? I swear that my Mom would never have to cook if she didn't want to cook. I'm pretty sure that if I actually lived in Vegas, I'd either become one of these folks or I'd continue only visiting the casinos on a occasional basis as I do now...just so I could play the max and have a chance at the elusive jackpots. Maybe I'll become a mixture.

This last visit I noted an increased number of really old people. People with walkers. People on those mobile scooters. People in wheelchairs. Women with HATS? When did wearing hats and turbans come back into style? Then there were the kids running free or with a harried Grandmom or Dad or Mom riding herd. I swore I heard the nasal laugh of Fran Drescher (The Nanny) the last night that we were in Vegas this time but I didn't get up to check. At one point I got up and left a whole section of the casino when I saw a woman, complete with those funny nozzles in her nose and oxygen tank, light up a cigarette. Now, that's a gamble I just won't take. I watched really obese people wheel their way in their mobile scooters to the nearest casino buffet line. And I enjoyed watching this fragile older woman with white hair and beautiful parchment skin playing on a machine next to her son. She was so lady-like sitting there playing on her machine, pressing the buttons with her embroidered handkerchief.

Sometimes people watching is wonderfully rewarding and amusing. Sometimes it's depressing. Sometimes it's just scary and sad. A warning. A lesson. See that person? Could I get like that? Thank goodness my husband isn't like that one. There is no way that I'm going to start wearing one of those funny hats or turbans. Well...maybe if I lose my hair...or it turns green. PLEASE! Someone please tell me not to dye my hair some peculiar shade of red or pink. Never let me eat myself to the point where I can't walk anymore. And why do men feel that they have to light up a stinky cigar and park themselves right next to MY winning machine?

Note to Mom: Neither HTP or I play addictively. We never break our own unwritten rules when it comes to gambling. If I told you the rules, then I'd have to write them down and then they wouldn't be unwritten. HTP and I enjoy our time in Vegas. We play with a limited amount of money each day. We enjoy our freebies. We enjoy the company of you and Dad. We love to share the comps we've earned with family and friends. For a few days I don't have to cook or worry about calories. I can indulge my people watching habit for the short time before it would actually send me insane. And then? We head on home. Three days is as long as we can tolerate in one stretch. Oh...and the casino invited HTP and me to a steak dinner at a local restaurant here in Arizona this Friday. Woohoo! Another freebie! I'm my Mother's daughter.

Murphyism of the Day

The Rockefeller Principle

Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.